When I turned 20, I thought to myself, “Oh my God, you’re gonna graduate, get married, and soon have a family” and it scared me. Ideally, I wanted to be married by 27, but at 23, I’ve started to think that maybe that’s too soon.

For anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I’m just like any other girl who likes to plan every little detail about the wedding she will one day have. I admit, it’s like a guilty pleasure for me to browse through wedding blogs and magazines for ideas, with the thought in the back of my mind asking, “would I even be able to afford that?” But realistically speaking, I shouldn’t even be thinking about the materialistic aspects of this imaginary wedding.

Realistically speaking, I should be thinking more about myself. I need to start being selfish about things pertaining to my life, at least little by little.

Since last Christmas, I’ve always toyed with the idea of just moving out to Seattle, staying in a studio apartment, downtown, with the company of a cat. It sounds pretty drastic, I know. Almost like cutting off the only world I know and starting over. I would utilize this time in my life as a way of “finding myself” —how cliché. I never understood what people meant by that, but I imagine it’s just a lot of down time to think about what one wants and how to reach their goals without any distractions.

These last couple of months, I’ve been struggling with where I see myself in the future. I don’t stress about which particular path in life I have to take because I do believe in options. I suppose the hardest part to all of this is figuring out how even begin.

Maybe I should start by getting off this and actually starting my final paper that’s due in 19 days.

Procrastination at it’s finest.


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